Category: personal musings
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In Case of Divide-by-Zero: Break Glass
At some point last night I remembered when the whole “divide by zero” thing started for me, all the way back in grade school. We were being taught about division and it finally came up in class. The teacher wrote some fraction, which for the first time showed “0” as the denominator. She turned to…
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LLMs Don’t Hallucinate — They Compensate:
A Cognitive Mirror We Don’t Yet Know How to Read With the start of a new year, it struck me that I’ve been using LLMs for a bit more than two years now. I started with coding‑scripting problems in Lua for Filter Forge — not a well‑supported niche — by bouncing things off ChatGPT and…
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The Arrow of Potential
Friday, October 10, 2025, 9:17:50 PM | Dialogue I don’t know if people read my posts and wonder, “Where the hell is this coming from?” I can see it happening though. I’ve written before about typing my fingers to death trying to keep up with my thoughts. The thing that gets me started most of…
absolute, article, attention, Awareness, death, despair, dimensions, distributed process, epiphanies, existentialism, free-will, gravity, identity, individuality, inspirations, mind, Notions, paradox, personal musings, perspective, physics, reality, singularity, soul, space, suffering, time, truth, understanding, universe, will -
Physics in a Distributed, Process Driven, Information-Based Universe
Implications of Division by Zero and Point Paradox Thought for the day: My mind wandered back to division by zero and it suddenly struck me that, if applicable in nature, it would be the point where a value ceases to be quanta and becomes qualia. I did not see it for a while. I got…
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Musings On Physics & Metaphysics
A lot of time has passed since I had the impulse to post anything; that does not mean I stopped writing my thoughts down! I came across the following on a buried tab in my Notepad++ application. I have tons of random notes like this, and often do nothing with them. I mean, they’re not…
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Beyond My Grasp
Advisory: I sort of choke and swallow hard before posting an article like this on the eye of paradox, in spite of the fact that I have a history of being rather candid about my experiences as a “transgendered” individual here and on deviantart. I know that many of these posts have the potential to hurt…
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Poetry and Figurative Language Paper
April 6, 2009 ENG 340 – Creative Writing Dr. Shari Muench, EdD. A pen and a piece of paper might technically be the only “tools” a poet requires, but there are many “literary” tools at his (or her) disposal as well. In addition to imagination and a little flirtation with the Muse, a…
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Taking Part in the Dance with our Eyes Closed
Writing is the embodiment of aspiration. It begins with the will to overcome the unanswerable statement of a blank page. It proceeds in the blind ambition of being read and comprehended. It strives to commit to a more permanent memory the thoughts and ideas of the writer. As often as not, the written word is…
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Does it ever get better?
I am well acquainted with the depths of despair; that place where words hurt in every way and never more than when they give the faintest glimmer of the only thing that could possibly be worse than despair: Hope. Hope makes you drag yourself through the hell you’re trapped in when you’re so broken it’s…
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Do current theories on Black Holes address Forces other than Gravity?
From time to time, I stumble across a question I have to stop and ask, but I am usually in the middle of something that needs to be done. So, I put it off for later, often forgetting to even write the question down. I know this one is going to come back to plague…
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It’s been a while…
I have spent the past few years chasing after The Job and sliding down to the point where I’m scrambling to just grab A job. It’s an old, familiar story, and the details aren’t really that important. For the sake of my blog, all that matters is that I have not had much time to…
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A Point about Paradox
In the eternal moment, the past and the future are simply a matter of perspective and the past can be influenced by overlapping reinforcement or the intent of the resolving future. A time paradox is a self-informing sequence within a point. The classic grandfather paradox assumes that time is linear, ignoring the fact that the…
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Is This It?
I was on my way home on Wednesday, September 23, 2009, with my dinner in hand, and I swear I just wanted to sit down and eat but I knew the bus would show up the minute I did. I had intended to eat in the restaurant, but for some reason the counter person handed…
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A Spark
My eyes opened and this is what I saw. You can in yourself be anything you desire. You create yourself from a point. You define your own existence. A soul defines itself. What words cannot define, they can characterize, so that the truth may be recognized as it is encountered. The existence of a soul…
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Staring into the Face of Truth
“A story is as good a way to organize your thoughts as anything else,” she points out, poised in the shadows in the doorway. I quickly conclude that she is playing the part of my conscience. That, or devil’s advocate. Either way, she’s me. I cannot say she does not really exist without implying the…
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Impulse
Who am I? Why am I here? What is the point of my existence? These are questions we all ask at some point in our lives, and we can go our entire lives without knowing the answer. I suspect that a lot of people try to avoid thinking about it, not knowing how to begin…
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It Takes a Village to Break a Child
I do not often get comments on my blog; if I exclude the pingbacks, spam and my own replies, I’ve received twenty-two comments from ten different individuals since I started the eye of paradox two years ago. Four of those people have identified themselves as transgendered, and like every transgendered person I’ve known, it has…
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Point Penetrating Points Overlapping
A number of my posts, particularly the ones dealing with transgender issues in my life, have been written on a long, dark night of the soul. It can be difficult to come back and read what I’ve posted and resist the urge to delete what I’ve written, because of how dark they are. I have…
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Matter and Movement in Four–or More–Dimensions
These days, it only takes a little curiosity, access to the Internet, and a bit of patience to find explanations of progressive spatial dimensions or examples of four dimensional geometry, such as the old favorite the hyper-square. Some of the things you will find use analogies like Flatland, or animations which is a way of…
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Awakening
I have pointed out before that my struggle with gender dysphoria prompted me to search in all directions for a solution to being born in the wrong body, and the determination with which I pursued that goal in spite of all doubts and discouragements — even attempts to accept things the way they were, adapting…
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Slightly Left of Nowhere
I rarely have time to write or draw, and as my friend keeps reminding me, I’ve little hope making a living as an artist or writer. I have to agree, knowing that even brilliant writing and art takes a massive investment of time and effort up front. That seems to be a recurring theme in…
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It is Where You Can, and Yet… CAN You? On Writing What I Know.
I may have commented on it in passing, and it is something I certainly never miss, but my art and writing have always brought out the real me. In a sense, that is appropriate enough; isn’t it a common recommendation that writers draw from their own experiences? I often feel that my escape into fantasy…
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Recapitulation & Reflection
A person looking at my blog might get the impression that I do not get much writing done, and it is true that there are a lot of things in my life that get in the way of me writing most of the things I want to. The inside dope is that much of what…
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The Absolute Truth
The best representation of a thing is the thing itself and yet there are things that we experience great difficulty recognizing in their true form. The truth is one of those things. In speaking of the truth, what we have is a word–and as a representation of a thing, a word provides a label for…
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Fly By – Asteroids
Once again, I am posting images from my space art portfolio. This is a reworking of one of the first space art cover illustrations I attempted, but never submitted, for Analog. It was created in Photoshop as part of a new series of space art conceived as “variations on a theme” using similar elements in…
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Divide by Zero
Edit: Updated on Jan 12, 2026 with supporting math conforming to the intuited logic of the original post. I always came back to this article expecting to be ashamed by my “absurd” assertions. I always came away from reading it thinking there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, even though it simply wasn’t a mathematical paper.…
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Blue Horizon
Once more, I thought it would be nice to add a little visual content to the eye of paradox by posting one of the images from my voidscape collection of space art. This is actually a pre-visualization done at a smaller scale than I normally work in Photoshop, using small Terragen renders, to help with…
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Gravity in a Distributed, Process Driven, Information-Based Universe
To a curious mind, gravity is a curious phenomenon. The more one pays attention to it, the more fascinating and mysterious it becomes. Today, we have the advantage of having had great minds ponder the mystery and define what can be observed and inferred by studying it. Newton pondered the question “why do objects fall?”…
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Above the Horizon
This is my first attempt to feature some of my artwork here on the eye of paradox. I have always had a strong interest in becoming a professional artist, in spite of having little time and insufficient resources to develop my skills to that level. I started out with the right intentions, pursuing an art…
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The Damage is Done
I wonder what is going to happen next. I wonder if I can hold it together to get a job and move out on my own. I wonder if I can manage to hold on to that job and support myself. I wonder, because I am not really wanted where I am. The only support…
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Conundrum
Today I find myself puzzling over the weird fact of my existence. The Internet created an opportunity to show a side of myself that I had long kept hidden. I am, at least in the terms used by the medical community (and by extension, the LGBTQ community), transgendered; in spite of being born and raised…
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What is the Point?
I am back in school, freshly enrolled in the University of Phoenix in pursuit of a Bachelor’s Degree in Information Technology–Visual Communications. I do not have a great deal of time outside of work to devote to this, so I was naturally put out when the site went down in the middle of a post.…
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Point Paradox
“Detailing the dynamics of point paradox has never been easy, but the founding principle is prime awareness, the awareness of one, all and none” she elaborated, settling lightly on the arm of the couch. “Point paradox is initially a question of absolutes. An absolute can be represented with a value of ‘one’, ‘zero’ and ‘infinite’.…
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The Medium of Existence
“A soul is absolute and absolutes are autonomous,” she asserted firmly. “A mind is paradoxical, acting as an inclusive, exclusive and occlusive interface between absolutes, abstractions and manifestations. A mind, with the absolute of a soul as its foundation, is the focus of existence, whether real, surreal or ideal. In short, the mind is the…
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I’m not dead yet…
The rare and occasional visitor to the eye of paradox will note that I have been absent for the most part from my own blog. Ironically, this is not because I have nothing to say. Quite the opposite; I have too much to say and too little time to spend on writing any of it…
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The Mind Races On While the Pen Drags Behind
My previous post on The Paradox of Death is a bit more stream of consciousness than I had intended. That is one of the things that happens when writing about thinking existentially. I know I am going to have to reassess what I wrote; there are a lot of good thoughts in there, but I’m…
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The Paradox of Death
There is more to this, to existing, than meets the eye. It is its own prerequisite and it hurts think about why or how. The only thing that hurts more is trying to make sense not existing. But, given our circumstances, we can’t really afford to take it for granted. By a certain age, we know that…
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Still Scratching That Itch
The whole moving and searching for a better job thing is going slowly, so even with school work, there’s been time to write. Maybe I should not say, write, precisely. I have had a bit of time to pound out some new ideas and wrestle with some old ones, and I am coming to an…
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Paying the Price
As true as it is that some people are incapable of valuing things they have not paid the price for, the fact is that free money is never free. There is terrible cost for being on the public dole, that is immediately evident when you walk into a welfare community. Being on public assistance or…
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Take a Moment to Reflect
Even with the best intentions no one has the right to impose a system of thought or action on anyone against their will. Ironically, that is exactly what has happened to all of us as we were born into this world. It is in some ways no different than being born into slavery, in the…
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The Best Way to Fit In? Don’t Stand Out
Grouping is an activity that comes instinctively and automatically to people. It is part of a filtering process that allows us to make sense of our universe. Anything can serve as criteria for grouping, but because this is a perceptual-interpretive process; differences and similarities in physical characteristics are the most prevalent. As we learn and…
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A Touch of Fear
A good scare is like good sex. It is gripping and all consuming for an eternal moment, but once it has washed through you and you catch your breath, it evaporates. Like smoke, it unravels, curling in upon itself and expanding into nothing. Before you know it, only the memory remains.
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Being at Odds with Life
I never imagined that I had a monopoly on being at odds with life. It is simply a state of being with which I am much too familiar. I have spent most of my life struggling with things that most people take for granted, stumbling and falling in places where most people stride with confidence…
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The Price of Admission
What is a society, what is it made up of and how does it work? The simple answer is, jobs. Society is all about jobs. Living in the wild, surviving on their own, human beings had no jobs. Their lives were defined by the tasks that needed to be done in order to be able…
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That Itch to Write
It seems that the itch to start working on a book has come back to me. It has to be an insane impulse, because with school and work I have no idea where I’ll find time to actually write anything. Then there’s the fact that I’ll be moving in the next few weeks and looking…
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